


How Can We Not Talk About Family When Family's All That We Got?

by quicksilverdeancas (quicksilvermalec)



Series: See You Again 'verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: ((am I an honorary Winchester now?)), (oh wow that's some highkey Winchester LogicTM), Don't Like Don't Read, Don't Like Don't Read AND DON'T JUDGE, Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Gen, Gender Confusion, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Good Older Sibling Dean Winchester, Good Younger Sibling Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Acute Codependency, No Dialogue, Open to Interpretation, Pre-Canon, Supportive Dean, Supportive Sam, The Author Regrets Nothing, Transgender Dean Winchester, Wincest is implied!, a crap friggen ton, don't read past part 3, enjoy, except for the parts that hurt, feminine transboy!Sam, if dysphoria is a trigger for you don't read this, masculine transboy!Dean, mostly - Freeform, our boys are fucked up sorry, outline, sam and dean love each other, seriously no judgement, so if you're in it for the Wincest, that'll make more sense later, there are more timestamps coming, this is just an extended version of a headcanon I wrote, this series has endgame destiel sabriel, trans male character(s), transgender sam winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 07:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21071033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilverdeancas
Summary: Sam is different, and it doesn't really make a difference. He can still go about his life the way he always has, he just has to have a somewhat uncomfortable conversation with his brother first. Only Dean has similar issues, and he doesn't deal with it as well as Sam does.orA fic that covers pre-canon from when Sam is 8 until the Pilot. In which Sam and Dean need each other, but they're still learning it.





	How Can We Not Talk About Family When Family's All That We Got?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [writingisntapastime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingisntapastime/gifts), [incredulousanteater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/incredulousanteater/gifts), [Clearfear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clearfear/gifts).

> So, yes, I know it's tagged with implied Wincest. I don't think I can stress this enough - it's open to interpretation. I don't really feel like there's Wincest in this, but some people would argue otherwise, so hey. Think what you want, take whatever you will away from this, I don't care. On the other hand, don't come after me with hate because as I've said, _I was not intentionally writing Wincest_. So you can take your 'incest is wrong' superiority and shove it up your ass.
> 
> (Sidenote: we know that incest is messed up. Okay? It's not like every Wincest shipper secretly supports IRL incest. It's fiction, okay?)
> 
> This was written for the Sam Winchester bingo. It covers the square "Transgender".
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!!!

Sam Winchester is… different. Tons of people call her ‘weird’.

She doesn’t know why she’s different. She doesn’t know why she always wears jeans and combats boots when the other girls her age are wearing skirts and slip-ons. She just assumes it’s about moving around all the time, always being on the hunt, needing to prioritize comfort over appearance.

Then, when she’s eight years old, she meets this boy.

He ran away from home because his dad was drunk and he beat him. It takes her a hot minute, but she eventually finds out that his dad beat him for being ‘trans’.

She asks the boy what that means. He looks scared, doesn’t answer, and runs away from her.

So, in true Sam Winchester fashion, she researches it.

#~+~#

Sam comes out first.

He’s eight years old, and he’s just checked out every single book he can find. A lot of them are biased and discriminatory, but the information is there, and that’s all Sam needed. He’s found several definitions, and enough descriptions to get a basic understanding of the concept. Trans people think that they’re one thing but their bodies are something else.

He’d think all these people were mentally ill if he didn’t relate so hard.

So he comes out to Dean.

(His big sister is named Deana. When Sam was 2, still just learning to talk, he always used to call her Deen, and eventually the nickname just stuck. She seems to like it.)

She doesn’t understand at first, but to her credit, she doesn’t tell him that he’s crazy, either. It takes him a little while to explain it, but once he’s done, she just smiles at him, tells him that she loves him and he’s going to be a big strong handsome man someday.

(Dean is different, too. Deep down, Dean knows that the two of them are the same. It hurts how desperately he wants to respond, to say ‘me too’, but he can’t. The words just stick in his throat, so he grits his teeth and supports his brother instead, because he knows he needs it.)

Sam is afraid of their father, he doesn’t want John to know, so he doesn’t tell him, and Dean follows his example. It doesn’t stop him from flinching every time John misgenders Sam.

But in private, when they’re alone in their motel room or in the Impala, Dean uses he him and his pronouns. He calls Sam his brother. He goes just a little big overboard with the validation and affirmation to try and make up for the forced misgendering the rest of the time.

For Sam’s ninth birthday, Dean buys him a binder and a packer.

(He takes quite a beating for making an unauthorized purchase with his daddy’s stolen credit cards, but he never tells Sam. And it doesn’t matter anyway, because it was worth it to see the look of pure joy and admiration on his little brother’s face. Dean knows he’d do anything for the little shit.)

It takes Dean a much longer time.

He’s twenty-two, and he’s leaning against his Baby, watching his kid brother shove bag after overstuffed suitcase into the trunk of his own little eco-friendly hybrid rental.

Sammy’s eighteen now, and he’s going to college. Off to Stanford, in California, leaving Dean alone with John, to carry the burden of both of their secrets and live in constant misgendering.

It’s not Sam’s fault, he insists. And if anyone asks, Dean will absolutely blame it on his stupid estrogen-dominant body.

He bursts into tears.

He’s leaning back against his car, his Baby, trying to look cool, but his shoulders are shaking with his muffled sobs, and salty tears are dripping onto his leather jacket.

And Sam notices.

Of fucking course Sam fucking notices.

He practically sprints over to Dean, asks him over and over what’s wrong, is he okay, and Dean confesses. He chokes out the whole truth, from Sam coming out to now.

And Sam does the last thing he ever expected. He smiles at him, a wide, genuine smile of love, and he just hugs his brother and regurgitates in an urgent whisper all the things his brother told him a decade ago, when he was the one who needed to be loved and cherished and validated.

And Dean just doesn’t fight, forces himself to hug Sam back, because he knows he was blessed with the best dysfunctional brother Heaven had to offer him.

The next day, Sam gives him a sad, regretful smile before he climbs into his car, driving off to college to build a future for himself far away outside of monsters and salt shells and hyper-dependent older brothers.

Three days after that, Dean gets a package in the mail. (He and his dad are still hanging with Bobby)

It’s a binder, return address _Sam Winchester, Standford University, Silicon Valley, CA_, in exactly the right size.

Dean cries again that day (and hates himself for it, because he’s Dean), holding the package. Because it means that his brother loves him. Also, his brother knows how big his tits are, which isn’t as creepy or disgusting or incestuous as it probably sounds. (At least that thought makes him laugh.)

He doesn’t stop crying for hours. He and Sam don’t talk again for years.

Until Dean has need of a hunting partner again. Until he breaks into his little brother’s off-campus apartment (because finances) rented with clean money (because finances).

Until Sam wakes up in the middle of the night and punches the criminal he calls a brother in the face for _breaking into his goddamn house_.

But then he realizes who it is.

He stares at his brother. His brother stares back.

The first thing Dean notices is that Sam is _tall_. (It’d be damn near impossible to miss) Sam is way taller than he’d been four years ago, and his hair is down to his shoulders. He doesn’t look like the skinny eighteen-year-old not-a-girl that drove away from Bobby’s place the day after Dean came out to him.

The first thing Sam notices is that Dean is kinda shredded. He’s probably been clocking unhealthy hours of weight training.

Both of them are n hormones, both of them are still relearning their own bodies. They almost don’t recognize each other.

Sam introduces Jessica to Dean and Dean tells him about Dad and that’s just about where everything goes to shit.

He agrees to go with Dean on _this one hunt_.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'See You Again' by Whiz Khalifa.
> 
> Love,  
-Fake Dean


End file.
